Are you having SEX when what you REALLY want is INTIMACY?!

Hi Everyone!! :o)

I hope you're having a great day!!

Intimacy is scary. It involves being genuinely, emotionally close to someone. The trouble is - the closer we are to someone - the greater the chance there is of being hurt. But intimacy [Often defined as 'love, closeness and tenderness' - among other things] is what most of us are really seeking. It's what we REALLY want. It's what we are REALLY looking for in a relationship. But because most of us are afraid of what might happen IF we get 'too close' to someone [And if THEY get 'too close' to US] we have [often] settled for something that leaves us feeling even more empty and alone. And that something is SEX.

A few years ago - before 'Brokeback Mountain' was released and shown in theatres all across the country - it was shown to a select group of people in order to see how an audience would respond. This is often done with movies in order to see if any more editing should be done. Interestingly - a few people felt uncomfortable enough with the movie that they left the theatre. But what's most interesting about that is WHEN they left. Those who left the theatre didn't leave when Ennis Del Mar [Played by Heath Ledger] had anal sex in a tent with Jack Twist. [Played by Jake Gyllenhaal] They left when Ennis and Jack were being INTIMATE with each other. [Which took place a little later in the movie] It was NOT two guys having SEX that upset some of those who left the theatre. But two guys being INTIMATE. That was a clear example of the sort of fear some people have of intimacy.

Can a person have sex with someone that they also have an intimate relationship with? Absolutely. And that's when sex is wonderful. But many of us - I believe - are using sex as a substitute for being intimate. So it's no wonder that so many of us feel even lonelier and even more 'empty' inside after having sex. And that's because we expected sex to make us FEEL more intimate with someone. But it doesn't always work that way. In fact - I think it rarely works that way. Which is why - for many people - sex is a disappointment. And no wonder. Oh sure - having sex can be fun WHILE we are having sex. But if sex really lived up the 'promise' of making us feel 'whole' and 'content' - then why are so many people still so lonely, sad and 'empty' inside - even if they are having sex? And why are those who have had multiple sex partners even lonelier still? [Which is often the case]

Using my signature quote but the changing the words a little - I came up with the following.

"It takes FAR MORE COURAGE to be INTIMATE with someone than it does to have SEX with that someone!!"

Do yourself a favour. The next time you have sex [Or the first time you have sex] ask yourself how 'intimate' you are with that someone you are thinking of having sex with. If you don't feel that there truly is an emotional bond with that 'someone else' - then maybe you should work on that BEFORE having sex with them. Or simply chose not to have sex at all. At least not until you find someone that you can be intimate with.

I should also say that intimacy is a BIG part of what makes two people 'best friends'.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!! :o)